“Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armour yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.”
― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones.
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but I can hear the choir,
so will someone come and carry me home, tonight?
in a way, I’m glad I was so young when my nan died, because I couldn’t understand all the horrible stuff.
Now, I can’t ignore any of it, and I recognise the difference between real and fake smiles.
I just want to see a real smile.
‘Participate, don’t spectate, become the view’
Me and my mum went to costco this week, we bought loads of haribo, and I keep eating them, feeling sick.
5 days to go until Music Fights Cancer
http://www.facebook.com/events/376794795696433/
This has probably been the longest 14 days of my life, it’s been such a weird and very emotional couple of weeks.
This week has involved planning Dawn and Freddi’s Wedding and sorting out everything for the benefit concert.
This had been such an up and down week. But it’s all starting to come together.
Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, were probably the worst.
Monday and Tuesday I was over thinking. I got to the point of over thinking so much that I started rethinking my life and doubting my future plans, I was so down at the beginning of the week and thought it was really selfish of me for wasting time in school when I’m struggling anyway, when I could be keeping Dawn company, and helping Freddi out.
I still think this now, and nothing will change this opinion - I can go back to education and do whatever, whenever. Dawn won’t be here whenever.
On Wednesday things started to look up in a way. Although it was horrible because Dawn had a really bad day, and in all honesty it felt like she had about 4 days left, not even 4 weeks. But after we’d seen her, we’d gone to the Thunderbolt and spoke to the landlord.
It really cheered me up, because I had something to put my mind off of it again and something that made me happy that I could talk about.
He was so lovely and has been and still is now very very helpful, he was so supportive and so lovely about what I’m doing and it really choked me up that a stranger could honestly be so genuine and caring about a person he’s never met.
When we went to see Dawn on Thursday, although she was in bed, it was like she used to be. Before she even got ill. She’s caught up on sleep the nurses had been round, reassessed her and changed her medicine and she had a really good day. Seeing her that well, and cheery was so nice. It made me think that if she’s learnt to accept things, I should too, because it’s the only thing that is going to keep her being this positive. Just taking each day as it comes and carrying on.
All in all, on Friday, I had a good day. Me and Char had a proper chat about everything that’s going on, and it really helped. She has been the 1 person that has every single day asked how I am, and done so much to help, like offering to come in on a day where she has no lessons, in case I need someone. It’s things like that that mean the most.
Over the past 2 weeks, I’ve realised who the people that truly care about me are. Some of the people are those I least expect to be there. I never thought I’d have so many people supporting me and constantly cheering me up.
Overall, the people that have never promised to be there when I need them are the ones that have been there, and the ones that haven’t reminded me they’re there are the ones I’ve turned too because they’ve been so chilled out and not treated me like there’s something up, they have just treated me like normal.
I can’t thank anyone enough at the moment for paying an interest or buying a ticket and trying to make things easier for me.
On Wednesday the person that cheered me up the most at that point that week was Trash, and now I still can’t thank him enough, all he really did was bring back the excitement I felt for planning this gig, and is doing so much to help make it a really good night for Dawn, which is the only thing I want to come out of that night, is 1 last smile from Dawn. He was the first person that properly helped me sort it all out and gave me so much help with it from day 1, so without him it probably wouldn’t have been as successful. The fact that he actually cares about Dawn and making Thursday good for her is the best thing ever.
I’m not sure if he does it intentionally, because he usually acts like a weirdo, but Turner has cheered me up so much as well the past couple of weeks. He’s been there to talk to without making me realise I’m talking about stuff, and he just always generally cheers me up, he puts up with my ranting and I think without realising he does, he makes all the bad stuff not hurt so much for a little while.
They are honestly 2 people I never thought would be there for me when I need them, without necessarily being there because I never expected to become friends with them.
Yesterday all the collection buckets and tins came from CLIC. Which means we can properly start fund-raising!
I’m excited for Thursday, but I’m also dreading it, all the planning and everything else has occupied my mind and I’ve become so used to it, it’s going to be weird without it.
Today Dawn gave me her Grandmother’s ring. I was honoured.
Now every day I can look down and remember her strength.
Please come, please donate.
http://www.justgiving.com/musicfightscancer
“Money for the brave children I’m proud of, The Brave Little Warriors” - Dawn Gray
