I can’t remember when it was that I last wrote a blog…
was it Monday?
was it after that?
Maybe I should have checked that… Never mind.
But I’ve got a feeling this one is going to be quite lengthy, this has been a weird week. I’ve learnt quite alot. I’m currently in such a weird mood, so writing it now probably wouldn’t be clever or sensible, but I’m neither, so yeah!
I’m going to get started…
Monday was a pretty normal day actually, I threw up on the way to school however, so went home ill. That wasn’t pleasant, I don’t think that needed to be shared, ah well. Tuesday was a pretty good day, it was horrible because I didn’t see my grandparents, but everything started to look up again and i started to feel like myself again, it was so nice, this continued into Wednesday, I’m usually always happy on Wednesday’s anyway. Me and Wasmina should not be allowed to do experiments in a science lab, we break things, spill chemicals everywhere and everything, we’re just dangerous people in a science lab. In the evening I saw my friends’ band Johari and as usual had a really good night, and Emily stayed after and, yeah we just had a pretty fun night! Thursday was definitely the most productive day this week. We had an ‘ambitions event’ at UWE, which basically was just about university/other higher education. It made me so excited for Uni, I’ve been set on Swansea University for about 4 years now, so yesterday talking to someone from there and hearing that with the grades they are looking for my A Levels are going to be enough for what I want to do. I learnt yesterday that even though I say there are quite a few things I want, the only thing in the world I truly want is just to pass my A Levels. I have so little faith in myself after results day last year. I was so confident I’d done enough, even though I knew I could have done alot more to get the grades I wanted. I now don’t feel the amount of work I do and the knowledge I have is enough, so I just want to make myself proud this time around, if that results in me not having a social life and living at school, then so be it. I also did the after school Humanities club me and a few others in my year are doing too, it was so good, that helped with my motivation for just doing amazing. It was really good. I also learnt alot about what people actually think of me on Thursday too…
I was actually quite shocked at some of these opinions, I never thought people would think so say the things they do - obviously I was wrong about that, I learnt that people see me as ‘fucked up’, ‘bitchy’, ‘a slut’, ‘pathetic’, and as a ‘bullshitter’ I also learnt that people think I could be smart if I tried harder, and also that I’m ‘throwing my life away’… None of that bothered me, which I was happy with. As this title says, to put it bluntly, I just do not care what people think of me anymore! I’m happy right now, and I know where I want to be and what I’m going to do to be there, I don’t care if people don’t want me anymore. This week I’ve learnt who will be there even I’m a horrible person sometimes, or if I completely mess things up the people that are willing to forgive me, and don’t talk about me instead of to me are the ones I want there.
I also had a nice chat with my sister B yesterday too, there was alot of skyping involved with my evening, she made my happiness last some more and become more happy, she’s a funny one. Game of Thrones is now called King of Games… Bless.
I then had my daily lovely conversation with Joshua, he let me explain my confusing family and not tell me to stop talking because it was so confusing, and just our normal dragon involved, easy conversation.
Friday, today… was an alright day again I guess, nothing much happened, I was once again learning. I learnt that people who are willing to change for someone they love can be so amazing, but surely that would that the person that is changing them does love them for them, which is why they are encouraging them to change? When you argue with someone stupidly everyday about pointless things, you think a serious argument could never hurt… It does.
But I’m done, I’m not letting anything silly get me down now, maybe that makes me selfish, but sometimes it’s better to be selfish. But I feel soon it’s time for change.
30 Days until Game of Thrones.