A woman just walked down my road jumping and going ‘NOOOOO!’ I genuinely thought it was my old Art teacher… that was weird.

This has been a pretty uneventful week really.

Like I can’t even remember Monday it was that uneventful…

I got told I’m doing 1,000,000 x better in Sociology though, which for me was super amazing to hear, cos I always believe I’m bad at everything other than reading, that was pretty much it.

Tuesday I was absolutely bullied by my nieces and nephews, so my niece Shelbie is always fairly mean to me anyway cos she finds it funny… so I do the same to her, muwaha. But she’s told me I must save up for her birthday and buy her a real life dragon, I’m so proud of how much she has in common with me, my aim is to create a mini me, that would so weird, but so amazing all at the same time. My other niece Alicia is usually an angel, but for some reason Tuesday she was in a right weird mood, she just kept telling me I smelt and was just throwing non hurtful abusive words at me. Then my nephew… Tyler, when he wants to be (which is most of the time) can be the most annoying and horrible child ever. This week, I shouldn’t have found it funny, but I did… He threatened to ‘bust me up’ hahaha. I think it was just the fact that my little 5 year old white boy nephew had said it, then after he threatened to steal my purse, so I was really paranoid. Then he also broke my phone for a short while because he got really annoyed that he couldn’t work out how to talk to Josh so we had a full on scrap over my phone - I am now bruised because of this… and that’s that really!

My grandad is also doing a lot better, which is really really good. He’s always doing so much that he wears himself out, but he never stops trying, I have so much respect for him because of that, for both of my grandparents, they always to as much as they can for themselves and for everyone else.

Wednesday was an inset day, I went to see The Woman in Black, and saw Emily and Sophie outside of school for the first time in ages.

And Miguel, ahhh, Miggles. He’s well funny.

But if you plan to see The Woman in black I have 3 tips for you.

1. Do not believe that it’s a 12A, it is so scary, it should be AT LEAST a 15.

2. Do not watch it alone, just don’t, oh my god.

and 3. Don’t even bother taking food, you’ll be too on edge to eat it/it could be a choking hazard/you might drop it and be very sad.

Also for those that are Harry Potter fans, try and put it out of your mind that Daniel Radcliffe was ever Harry Potter, I couldn’t and it kind of ruined it for me. I was really confused, cos it was pretty confusing anyway, and I was just waiting for Ron to pop up.

On Thursday I discovered I’d gained a really bad cough, it’s so painful, and really annoying because I’ve had like 5 colds this year now already, my immune system is so rubbish.

And today, I’ve basically spent the whole day drugged up, because I don’t want to miss much school now, because after Easter it’s exam time, I’m well scared.

This week, out of a possible 16 lessons I’ve only had 9, I’ve been so bored. There are no lessons that I hate and don’t want to do (other than Maths because it feels like I’m never going to pass that) aaaand…. I like learning.

But I’ve just started thinking about all the things I’ve not been doing because I’ve had no one to do them with, and I was talking to my sister B yesterday about it all, and right now I’m just happy with how everything is. I’ve decided I need to start putting myself first. I’ve not cared what other people think for a while now, but there’s still been that small part of me that will keep trying to put things right with anyone and everyone. I just can’t be bothered. I know who my friends are.

I’ve found recently that the ones that might not want to be around me when I’m in a bad mood, but most of the time still are are the people that always will be there. And the people that aren’t there will still text me everyday to see how I am.

And recently - it may sound silly to people that don’t actually know him, but the people over the past couple of weeks have asked…

- How my Grandad is doing

- If I’m okay

- If my Gran is okay

and - If any of us need anything

Are the ones that have made me the happiest by showing me they’ve cared.

Because I stop seeing the point in some things if another person doesn’t even seem to be bothered if you’re there or you’re not, or if you’re okay or you’re not…

It’s annoying that I have to wait over a year to move to Swansea, because that is when everything is going to change and my life is really going to start.

But I feel super old.

Me and my Gran worked out 2013 is a big year.

• I turn 18
• She turns 80
• My mum turns 50
• It’s my Gran and Grandad’s Diamond (60th!) wedding anniversary
• I move away from Bristol (hopefully!)
• My sister Emma is 20
• We go to Jamaica for my 18th
• My niece Shelbie turns 10 (double digits :(!)

And I think that’s it, but it’s still loads!

oooooooh.

Well, I’m off to see 2 of my friend’s bands play tonight, they’re always fun.

I’ve also realised my countdown has been well dodgy, some days its been right, some it’s been wrong… but anyway, it’s 16 days until Game of Thrones.

HAPPY FRIDAY.

Well I’m in a very good mood.

Hello.

Well this has been such an odd week, after Wednesday it started to be super happy. Wednesday my Grandad had his operation, and was out the same day, and is feeling okay, which is super brilliant, like the best news ever for me, because it could mean he might start to feel well in himself again! Thursday was uneventful, obviously other than results - which was what made the day crazy, it was very uneventful. I wrote the best paragraph ever though, I was so proud of myself and my clever words. Friday has been such a happy day, for many reasons. Everything seemed so normal today, and happy and amazing, and I’m so knackered, but very happy.

Earlier this evening, I spent time looking through old photos. I found some photos I think I’ve never seen, but I probably have and just forgotten about.

I was a cute baby.

But I also pulled some crazy faces… that I still pull now, when I was younger.

But all the photos I looked through were just so happy, I found ones from Christmases when I was younger, with my Nan and Grampa there, I miss them so much.

I find it so strange when I think about how things have turned out. When I was younger we spent so much time with my Nan and Grampa, so thinking about all the things I could be doing with them now just makes me sad. Like for example my prom, they would have been there that day, in June my Nan would come to Swansea with me for my University open day. In the week I’m fairly sure I’d spend so much time there.

It’s just strange.

And unfair that they had to go before I got to experience the important parts/things in my life with them.

I was 9 when my Nan died, and 11 when my Grampa died.

And even thinking back to it now I tear up.

When I was younger, I had a pair of gold Barbie trainers, they were the best.

I also had some of the prettiest dresses, when my mum used to dress me.

It all went wrong when I started to dress myself and my hair fell out. I just looked like a boy. That was a bad time.

I found one of the happiest photos ever, it was at a birthday party of mine or my sister’s and we always had bouncy castles, and it was of me and my Gran when I was about 2. She was holding me up because I’d fallen and she was laughing. She looked so happy, it was amazing. I love seeing her laugh like that.

My Gran is so beautiful.

The title of this blog is a lyric, but also something my grandparents have pretty much said to me before - I know they’re always going to be behind me with whatever.

Jelly shoes were the best thing ever, I had them in every colour.

My name was once Sarah Parker, before my mum re-married. Me and my sister B find it really funny, because she was pretty much a different person altogether, she was small, and cute, and Sarah Parker.

Aw, Sarah Parker.

When I was in primary school, we had to go in dressed up as what we wanted to be when we were older. My sister at that time wanted to be a vet, Emma always wanted to be a vet, and that was simple just a white coat and a stethoscope. I didn’t have a clue aged 7 or 8 what I wanted to be, and at the time we were staying with my Gran because my mum and stepdad were on their honeymoon, so my Gran decided what I’d be. I went into school as a bee-keeper. I didn’t know what a bee-keeper was. So having to stand up in assembly and say why I wanted to be a bee-keeper was almost impossible.

Looking back at that now, it’s very funny.

I had the best childhood. That’s the main thing that makes me want children, but as me and Maria said to each other today…

You never know what the future holds for you.

23 days until Game of Thrones.

I can’t remember when it was that I last wrote a blog…

was it Monday?

was it after that?

Maybe I should have checked that… Never mind.

But I’ve got a feeling this one is going to be quite lengthy, this has been a weird week. I’ve learnt quite alot. I’m currently in such a weird mood, so writing it now probably wouldn’t be clever or sensible, but I’m neither, so yeah!

I’m going to get started…

Monday was a pretty normal day actually, I threw up on the way to school however, so went home ill. That wasn’t pleasant, I don’t think that needed to be shared, ah well. Tuesday was a pretty good day, it was horrible because I didn’t see my grandparents, but everything started to look up again and i started to feel like myself again, it was so nice, this continued into Wednesday, I’m usually always happy on Wednesday’s anyway. Me and Wasmina should not be allowed to do experiments in a science lab, we break things, spill chemicals everywhere and everything, we’re just dangerous people in a science lab. In the evening I saw my friends’ band Johari and as usual had a really good night, and Emily stayed after and, yeah we just had a pretty fun night! Thursday was definitely the most productive day this week. We had an ‘ambitions event’ at UWE, which basically was just about university/other higher education. It made me so excited for Uni, I’ve been set on Swansea University for about 4 years now, so yesterday talking to someone from there and hearing that with the grades they are looking for my A Levels are going to be enough for what I want to do. I learnt yesterday that even though I say there are quite a few things I want, the only thing in the world I truly want is just to pass my A Levels. I have so little faith in myself after results day last year. I was so confident I’d done enough, even though I knew I could have done alot more to get the grades I wanted. I now don’t feel the amount of work I do and the knowledge I have is enough, so I just want to make myself proud this time around, if that results in me not having a social life and living at school, then so be it. I also did the after school Humanities club me and a few others in my year are doing too, it was so good, that helped with my motivation for just doing amazing. It was really good. I also learnt alot about what people actually think of me on Thursday too…

I was actually quite shocked at some of these opinions, I never thought people would think so say the things they do - obviously I was wrong about that, I learnt that people see me as ‘fucked up’, ‘bitchy’, ‘a slut’, ‘pathetic’, and as a ‘bullshitter’ I also learnt that people think I could be smart if I tried harder, and also that I’m ‘throwing my life away’… None of that bothered me, which I was happy with. As this title says, to put it bluntly, I just do not care what people think of me anymore! I’m happy right now, and I know where I want to be and what I’m going to do to be there, I don’t care if people don’t want me anymore. This week I’ve learnt who will be there even I’m a horrible person sometimes, or if I completely mess things up the people that are willing to forgive me, and don’t talk about me instead of to me are the ones I want there.

I also had a nice chat with my sister B yesterday too, there was alot of skyping involved with my evening, she made my happiness last some more and become more happy, she’s a funny one. Game of Thrones is now called King of Games… Bless.

I then had my daily lovely conversation with Joshua, he let me explain my confusing family and not tell me to stop talking because it was so confusing, and just our normal dragon involved, easy conversation.

Friday, today… was an alright day again I guess, nothing much happened, I was once again learning. I learnt that people who are willing to change for someone they love can be so amazing, but surely that would that the person that is changing them does love them for them, which is why they are encouraging them to change? When you argue with someone stupidly everyday about pointless things, you think a serious argument could never hurt… It does.

But I’m done, I’m not letting anything silly get me down now, maybe that makes me selfish, but sometimes it’s better to be selfish. But I feel soon it’s time for change.

30 Days until Game of Thrones.

When I got tumblr, after doing my first weirdly successful blog, that I got alot of positive feedback from (thanks again, by the way) I wasn’t sure how to go about the rest of my blogs. They’ve all just come naturally, and worked how I’ve wanted them to which is pretty good.

But one of my first ideas, links with the title of this blog. I mentioned before I like One Tree Hill, and some of it’s quotes like the one in the title, are what make me love it so much.

This blog follows on nicely from my 23 one, but this one is another one Maria will be interested in. I also ran the idea of this past her when I first thought of it, because I knew that way at least 1 person will like this one.

But now that I’m actually about to write it, I feel stuck for what to write without sounding pathetic, because I’m basically going to be saying I have alot of respect for fictional characters in a television programme.

One Tree Hill is a pretty big part of my life believe it or not, it is one of the frequent subjects of conversation with a few of my friends. It’s either a programme you love or just don’t watch, I think.

From watching the characters grow from being a bit older than me, to adults with families and watching their dreams and future plans come true, make me believe that if you want something enough then you should go out and get it, and if you try hard enough it’ll happen.

It also makes me believe that the saying ‘things happen when you least expect them to’ is so true.

Even though some of the dreams the characters have are big dreams, and if you say to someone in real life ‘I want to be a basketball player’ or ‘I want to be a singer’ or ‘I want to be a fashion designer’ you usually get a response like ‘unlikely, dream on’. Well I do anyway, haha!

I guess the dreams the characters have need to be big to make the programme interesting, but the things to do to achieve them, is what make them realistic.

Something is always happening in Tree Hill, like psycho stalkers and murderers on the loose, or best friends having affairs with each others boyfriends, or mothers going in to rehab, or crazy nanny’s trying to kidnap babies. Which is typical of a television programme really, but at the same, it’s just brilliant. Then to even it out there’s things like family disputes, and infertility, and death of parents and stuff that actually often happens in normal life.

There seems to always be a quote to fit with different things in life, and most things now, make me think of One Tree Hill.

I’ve wished so many times my life could be like that. Even simple things would be better, like with arguments, they get solved so easily just because someone says something amazing to make the other person remember all the good stuff, and each character has something that is their own that noone can take away from them, for example - Nathan and Haley, and their cute little family. Brooke’s talent at designing clothes, (and dancing to ‘Don’t You Forget About Me’) Peyton being good at Art. Lucas’s lack of ability to not open his eyes properly… (if you’ve seen Chad Michael Murray, you’ll understand what I mean) and that he’s a good writer and good playing basketball…

But yeah, it’s just a very good programme, it’s going to be so weird when it ends for good :(

So I’m gonna end with my favourite ever quote, it’s pretty long, but if I remember I try to think of the very last bit everyday, and this is exactly how Maria wrote it in my leaver’s book…

“Lastly I would like to leave you with a few words from the lovely gang of One Tree Hill:

Mouth: Take a look at yourself in the mirror, who do you see looking back?

Haley: Is it the person you want to be?

Dan: Or is there someone else you were meant to be, but fell short of?

Mia: Is someone telling you, you can’t or won’t? Because you can.

Chase: Believe that love is out there.

Nathan: Believe that dreams come true everyday. Because they do.

Peyton: Sometimes happiness doesn’t come from fame or power. Sometimes happiness comes from good friends and family and the quiet nobility of leading a good life.

Julian: Believe that dreams come true everyday. Because they do.

Brooke: Believe that dreams come true everyday. Because they do.

Peyton: So take a look in that mirror and remind yourself to be happy because you deserve to be, believe that.

Lucas: And believe that dreams come true everyday. Because they do.