I realised there’s a few things I’ve missed out, so I’m gonna do it in a few blogs.
I haven’t written about the Warner Bros. Studio Tour, Half Term, or done my usual waffley weekly blog.

So, firstly…

On Wednesday 30th May, me, my sister, her friend Alice and my friend/future sister in law, Hannah, went to London and did the Warner Bros. Studio Tour, the Making of Harry Potter thingy.
It sounds so cliché, but it was magical.
It was such a good day for a few reasons, firstly, I hadn’t seen Hannah for a couple of months so seeing her was probably the best thing, we had a nice catch up and just had fun being together and playing I spy/taking stupid pictures on the coach, and as we usually do when we see each other, eat an unhealthy/unnecessary amount of food.

The journey there was pretty lengthy, and we were both absolutely knackered by the time we’d arrived in London as we were all up at like 6.
Our day started by me and my sister getting a bus to town, then a coach to London, then we had to walk to Victoria train station, then we had to get the underground to Euston, then walk around and get lost some more, then get the overground to Watford, then the shuttle bus to the studios.

But we arrived, our tour was at 2:40 and it was amazing.
Everything you expected to be there was, everything was so beautiful. It’s something that is only worth doing if you are someone that, of course - loves everything to do with Harry Potter, or someone that would appreciate all the effort put in to make everything as beautiful as it was. So much time and effort was put in to making everything and I literally had goosebumps nearly the whole time.
I really have so much respect for the cast and crew, and how passionate they were about everything to do with it. Like, every single potions bottle had a hand written label, and there were over 500 potions bottles. Every book that the inside was shown on the films was hand written. Every Daily Prophet that appeared was hand written, as were all the letters that people received. Every Death Eater mask was made with such detail that to look at they looked similar, but unless you really looked at them each detail is unique. Every wand was designed to fit each character, and the character that J.K. Rowling had written was kept in mind, and each wand was beautiful.

There were 2 things that were my favourite and that completely blew me away. One being a fairly small cabinet that had the Golden Snitch, the Philosopher’s Stone, the Time-Turner, the Rememberall, Reeta Skeeta’s Notebook and Quill, Slughorn’s Hour Glass, and Sirius Black’s Azkaban Prison Number.
I stared at the snitch for at least 20 minutes before Alice came over and found me because we’d all lost each other. But it was so beautifully made and I don’t know what it was but seeing all those things was amazing, I loved that cabinet.
The second thing was a massive model of Hogwarts. It was the model that was built and was used for some shots of the outside of the castle in the last film. I didn’t expect it to be there at all, and I cried. I was looking at models and artwork that were before it, because I love art that was also a really good bit for me, so I took my time, the other 3 had gone on ahead. Hannah came back down a few minute later and said ‘Sarah, I think you should come in here’. I didn’t think anything of it, I expected a Dragon or something because I’d told her to get me if there was anything like that, I walked through the doorway and there it was, Hogwarts. Part of me was really upset, because I’m never going to be able to go to Hogwarts, and when I read a book I’m there, but it upset me that it’s just not real, but the other part of me was so happy, and it was one of the best feelings ever, I still now can’t remember the last time I’d truly felt that rush of happiness.

After this, there was just one more room, filled with wands,hundreds and hundreds of boxes of wands, with characters names, actors names, all again with handwritten labels, and that was it… It was over. We had a quick run around the gift shop, (where I went from nearly spending £56 to spending 90p because I couldn’t deal with having no money til August) and then we had to catch the shuttle bus back, then the over ground then the underground then the coach then a lift from Dan. Me and Hannah worked out we travelled around 9 and a half hours that day…
But it was worth it.
It was a brilliant day.

That Wednesday was the Wednesday before half term, I didn’t really need to go in to school at all that week because I’d finished by exams, but I did anyway, because I had nothing better to do to occupy my mind.

On the Friday, it was Char’s birthday. So on the Saturday a few of us went round. This explains the title of this blog. Me and Char drank maybe a little too much, and I have a video of us singing ‘Somebody I Used To Know’ by Gotye, very loudly and very badly, but it was such a good night, it was nice to properly spend time with her like that because I hadn’t for a while, I think she really enjoyed herself too, meaning she had a good birthday which was what she deserved, it was so nice to see her making the most of it and really enjoying herself. She really deserves to be happy.

On the Sunday - with a large headache, I went to the croft to see Johari, this time they were a 3 piece, because Trash had to work, they were really disappointed with their set, but I still think they played well, they tried so hard and should be proud of all their effort.

I had a really good day/ night on the Monday, in the day I went out with Char and George and got the pictures of Dawn’s wedding printed off, I found it quite hard because I couldn’t believe that it was only 2 weeks before that it had happened… But I’m glad I got them printed, in the evening my mum’s friend Sean came round, and we had a really good laugh, I realised that day that 80% of the time, after having a conversation with me, people walk away confused… I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing…

Tuesday was a busy day and expensive day… First thing, I went to the mall and changed a dress that was to small because usually I forget, but I really like this dress although I was really annoyed with myself because I don’t need new clothes. I then went home and got ready to go out and see my friend Leigh play at the Fleece. I knew Leigh was talented, but I never realised how amazing he actually is, I was really proud of him after and couldn’t believe I’d never realised before how good he was. After this I went to my Gran’s - as usual on a Tuesday, and as usual had a really nice time. In the evening I went from my Gran’s to the Croft to see Johari. I had a really nice night, it was nice spending it with Trash and Turner because they’re always nice to be with anyway, but there were a few things bringing me down and I hadn’t realised it. That gig was definitely one of their best gigs, it was so fun, and they played really well.

Wednesday was another long day, after getting home Tuesday night, staying up talking to my mum for hours and also being very excited because she agreed to buy me a Blink 182 ticket for my birthday, I was up at 8 because I had my niece staying as a part of her birthday present. She arrived at 9, and then we had a chat for a little bit planned what we were going to do, and then packed out stuff and I took her swimming, after that we went home, had lunch and unfortunately had to go buy some flowers for Dawn’s funeral. After this we went home and she was feeling quite ill so she just crashed out and watched telly for a bit. We planned then to go to the cinema and watch Top Cat. Top Cat was before Shelbie’s time - which makes be feel really old. So I enjoyed it a bit more than I should. After this we went home and started playing Monopoly, we had a break for dinner and carried on playing the same game for about another 4 hours… I don’t know how she managed to make it last that long. Around 10:15pm, I remembered Shelbie is only 9 and her bedtime is nearly 3 hours earlier than that, so we got ready for bed and got into bed, I had another really nice talk with her and then slept like a baby… I was knackered.

Thursday morning, I was awake at 6, because children wake up stupidly early - which I forgot… We were downstairs by half 6, and by 7 I was dozing off again. We didn’t really do anything in the morning and Shelbie went home at around 12. For the rest of the day I read Harry Potter and had an unintentional 3 hour nap.

Friday was Dawn’s funeral, it was the weirdest funeral ever, and I felt horrible. after I went home, I went to the orthodontist, then met Char and Hannah at the Old School Rooms, and they bought me lunch. They really cheered me up that day, they took my mind off of everything for while and made me realise that not everything is bad.

On Saturday, it was the Rugby Dinner, so I got to see Pip, I hadn’t seen Pip for weeks, so it was nice seeing her, and I never really talk to Hannah, so it was nice spending time with her. We were served alot of food, and had a really good night, it was really funny, I hadn’t laughed so much in a while and everything felt like it was finally starting to look up.

Sunday, I didn’t do anything, I don’t think… I just spent the day dreading going back to school, I didn’t know why, but I just really didn’t want to go.

I had a really good half term, it was nice to be so busy, and catch up with so many people, I realised that week that those were all some of the reasons I just have to carry on, I’ve managed to get back in to reading and actually enjoying it, playing Guitar and not seeing it as effort and sleeping properly, so I’d started to feel so much better, and I have so many people to thank for getting me back to normality.

So…

The event Music Fights Cancer, on May 10th at the Thunderbolt happened, and was such a success.
So far now, we raised just over £500, which is amazing.

I really didn’t expect as many people to be as bothered about this event as they did, so many people were so generous with all their donations and it was brilliant. So many people tried helping to get it trending on twitter too, it didn’t, but just scrolling through and seeing how many people cared was touching.
There were so many people that gave up their time to help out and so many people helped put in as much effort as they could to make it amazing. The thing that got to me the most, was that they all wanted to make it amazing for Dawn.

Dawn did so well that day, she had no energy by the end of it.
She came at around 8 and managed to stay right until the end. She got in and straight away said ‘wine…?’ which was a typical thing for Dawn to say. She sat and had her unfortunately, very diluted drink and then Freddi took her outside where it was quieter and she sat doing the few things she loved, smoking, drinking and talking with the people she loved.
I left her to chill out for a while, then I went back inside and asked Trash and Turner if I could borrow them. This was one of the things I needed to make sure I did that night - introduce them to Dawn.
Dawn has always done it, when she meets someone or talks to someone, she’ll always give this look, at it’s such a nice look that basically says ‘right, I like you, you’re mint’ or ‘cool, I agree with that’. So I wanted her to meet them both because they’d both been the best when everything really started to get shit.
It was a pretty big thing for me to do (I hope they know) and I meant every single thing I’d said to her about them. I’d never introduced anyone to Dawn before with reason, which means they are definitely 2 very honoured people.
She gave them that look, and after the event spoke very very highly of them, which was lovely.
She also met Kieron, another person who I realised at that moment, is always brilliant to talk to. Maybe it hasn’t been so much now, but I remember in like 2010 I used to tell him everything and know he wouldn’t judge me based on what I’d said or done, and his opinion wouldn’t change. It may not be a crazy close friendship, but I do really value his friendship. Dawn then made the joke of while rolling up a fag looking up and saying, ‘ah well, it’s not gonna kill me’ - another typical Dawn thing.

All 4 acts were brilliant, 2 I hadn’t even spoken to until the night before/on the day and they were both lovely, and very very talented people.
Ryan Inglis was the first act on, I’m glad I picked him to go on first it was a nice way to open I think, what is a bit annoying is that alot of people missed him because they didn’t turn up until a bit later on. He played so well, and was an interesting and very lovely person, more people should discover him!
Emily Teague was up after this. I had a really nice chat with her before hand, and she was so excited to play. She was another really great act to open up with, this was when alot more people started to arrive. She was quite chatty and kept the crowd laughing and interested in the stories behind her music, again another artist people should discover.
Johari were the first band to play, by this point even though it was starting to get late, so people might have started to get a bit tired or whatever, they were awake by this point, and I personally think Johari always play well, I’m always super proud of them whenever I watch them. Their gigs are always fun, and everyone is always so happy after, their sets never seem long enough. On this occasion Turner attempted to make a serious speech. I completely missed this speech because I’d zoned out, looked up at Trash, saw him smile and burst into tears. So, this was a rare occasion, and I’d missed it, sorry dude. They did however, as usual, play so well.
Goodnight Lois ended the night, unfortunately, again people had started to leave and missed another amazing band. They get better and better every time I see them, another bunch of people I feel so proud of. Even if they mess up, they make it funny, and keep the crowd interested and entertained. I’ve never had a bad time watching Goodnight Lois. My favourite song by them is ‘Pass Us By’ and the week before that, Dawn had said something about her and Freddi and how it seemed that life has just passed them by. It sounded so similar to a lyric in their song, so I asked Dan if he would dedicate it to Dawn and Freddi. They did and amazing job of it, and it had meant alot to Dawn that they did that.

Goodnight Lois had finished and I decided I needed to say something, so that meant it was speech time… Never again am I attempting a speech, I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but saw Dawn and couldn’t.
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who had donated not only their money, but also their time. Thank you to the Thunderbolt for giving up their venue free of charge for the night and being so caring. Thank you massive amounts to everyone that played, and didn’t expect anything back. Thank you to Tom for doing the sound, because he was a massive reason it was actually made possible. Thank you to everyone for coming and showing an amazing woman how much people love, care about and support her. It was a night to give something back to a woman that has given so much her whole life. A night for me to show off the woman that is pretty much the other half of my mother, so everyone could get a glimpse of the beautiful lady that has such a massive impact on my life.

The highlight of the night for me was seeing Dawn after I’d stood on stage and failed at making a speech. She told me to sit on her lap, hugged me and said ‘I can’t tell you how much all of this has meant, think of those children and what you’ve done and the fact that you’ve done it in my name is an honour. I love you, flower’

It was a really good night, and in the next week I will go down and see those children that Dawn wanted the money to go to and tell them all about her and why she wanted it to go to them, her ‘brave little warriors’

www.facebook.com/mfcancer

I’ve had such a weird week.
I can’t stop singing Regulate, it’s doing my nut in.
I’ve got a new capo.

So firstly, I’ll explain why this week has been weird.

On Saturday, my mum took me and my sister to Cardiff, for Emma’s birthday.
At half 7 that morning, my mum had got a call from Dawn, she’d left a voice mail saying ‘Ring back, it’s serious’.
So we got to the train station and my mum rang her back.
Dawn has been fighting cancer for over a year. About 3 months ago, she was given the all clear. Last Thursday she found out it’s back, and it’s terminal.

So this week, the only thing I’ve been thinking about is the fact that the woman that has been like a second mother to me had weeks - months to live.
That’s really not a long time.

I’ve been in a weird mood this week, and for the first time, I’ve not been bothered about my exams. I can’t even focus on them, and I’m beginning to lose all motivation to pass.

However, on a happier note.
Because of what is happening to Dawn, I was thinking about it and had an idea on Monday. My idea was this… www.facebook.com/mfcancer
Inspired by Dawn, I’ve started a campaign and arranged a benefit gig for her.

This week I’ve realised how many people are actually willing to help you when you need it, and to support you.
There’s so many people I can’t thank enough. All the help I’ve been given with planning everything has been amazing, and all the people that have got involved, and be willing to do it for nothing means so much.

Tuesday, I was really happy all day and really excited with planning everything, and me and my Gran made tickets and it just put my mind off everything.
Wednesday was a good, but absolutely poo day all at the same time. We had to go to Cardiff University for the day, the only good thing about that day was spending it with Wasmina and Maria. It was really funny, Wasmina is so crazy. But it was poo because we missed all the talks we wanted to go to because we left late, and it rained all day… So it was a wasted day being wet.
Thursday was also another wasted day being wet. Although last night was fun - Johari played at the Cooler, and Johari always make me happy. Such lovely people.
I also got to spend some time with Char yesterday, and actually properly talk to her, which was nice. Her and Adam always cheer me up.
Friday hasn’t been as pointless. I’ve chatted such rubbish all day, because I’m suddenly really tired, I don’t understand why because I’ve been sleeping.
Maybe it’s the rain…
I keep blaming everything on the rain.
My mum just said the rain is making our house expand… I didn’t realise that was possible.
I’ve not properly spoken to Josh for a few days, I should get on that. It’s weird without him.

I’m really behind with Game of Thrones, it’s stressing me out.
I also have no time to sit and read, and I’m feeling lost because I can’t just go to Winterfell when I feel like it.

Adam made up a rapper yesterday, called ‘Short Paul’, funniest part of my week, even if I think about it now… hahahahhahah.

Dawn has been giving me random jobs to do to occupy me, so I’m going to go make a cucumber sandwich.

Hi Tumblr!

I’ve not blogged for 2 weeks! I’ve been busy… I think, I just don’t know what with, like I had to get my diary out to see what I’ve been doing since my last blog, which was on 23rd, and I’m now following 23 blogs, wahoo.

Well I’m gonna begin my waffling then.

I can’t remember what happened last Monday or Tuesday, at all.

I remember losing my capo, again.

I remember Wednesday, because I saw Johari play at the croft, and everyone was wearing shorts, and they were very good as usual.

I remember on the Thursday I had a yoghurt crisis, I got to my house and went to get my keys out and found them in my yoghurt and yoghurt everywhere, and it was stressful. Stupid yoghurt. This was after I was already angry because on a Thursday I can go home at like 12, but every other week I stay after school and run a humanities thing for some clever kiddies in years 7, 8 & 9. I do it with 2 other girls and one of them was gonna sort everything out for that week. She decided she wouldn’t tell me she’d cancel it because apparently there was “no point in letting me know” so I stayed at school for an unnecessary 3 hours longer than I had to. what made it worse was that I had no work to do because I had 2 hours free in the morning, so I was tired anyway, and bored, and then really pissed off on Thursday.

Friday was a better day, I had Rugby, and we broke up for Easter.

Me and Pip always drink a stupid amount when it’s a Friday night game, but they’re always funny, and we end up having deep chats when we’re drunk, and very intelligent conversations with Mummy Emsley, the stewards and Spanky, who never talks all that much sense anyway.

On Saturday I got an impressive bargain on a cardigan, £40 reduced to £15 in River Island, yay.

That weekend my mum had family down, they’re looney, and she brought some crazy woman into our home from somewhere - I don’t even know how she met her, that’s how much I didn’t pay an interest because I thought she was a psycho.

Sunday, Game of Thrones wasn’t back. Meaning my countdown has been wrong the whole bloody time. However, I stayed at Nikki’s Sunday, not sure if I’ve ever properly mentioned how much Nikki means to me before. She’s probably one of the only people that has never ever judged me because of an interest. She might think it, but she’s never shown or told me that she thinks I’m completely bonkers, or rolled her eyes at me and made stupid comments or anything. I love staying with her, because like she said when I was there, it’s nice being able to be with someone else, and have company and just not have to talk all the time, but also have a decent amount of clever, epiphany-filled conversation. She’s someone I have so much in common with, and can easy tell anything and know that it’ll go no further than that because she’s so trustworthy - or she’ll just smash her head on the front room table, get concussion and forget haha! But yeah, Nikki is the best, 97% of the time I wish I could move in with her.

Monday

That’s all for Monday.

Tuesday was a pretty busy day, I had an interview - that I haven’t heard back from, yet again. At T.G.I Friday’s. I don’t think it went well anyway because I’m shocking at role plays. I then went to my Gran’s and my niece has a serious problem with answering back, I really want to kick her sometimes, my nephew grinds my gears too, he’s just like his Dad, very rude and not very caring. He is only 5, but what does that say about his Dad?

I then, in the evening, once again saw Johari, with my friend Sophie, which was nice to spend time with her for the first time in a while, and once again really enjoyed their gig. I however found out that my favourite band had split up and spent alot of the night then trying not to cry.

Wednesday was uneventful, I got a bit of work done, and just played alot of guitar so was nice to have a break.

Thursday

I helped my friend Pip with her Art coursework, she wanted some photos to work with that portrayed lonliness, and I was used as the guinea pig, but it all turned out really well, and Pip is really chuffed and hopefully she’ll get a big A at the end of the year for all her work.

In the evening I went to see my friend’s band Goodnight Lois play, and took my stepdad along this time. A few months ago I gave him their EP, and he’s become pretty obsessed with them, which is really cute. But he really enjoyed it yesterday and was really impressed by them, which was nice. They keep getting better and better.

I love watching my friend’s bands play, I feel so proud to know them, and they just get more and more amazing each time and put so much effort in to it and it’s just nice seeing their hard work pay off when they get gigs and stuff.

Today, I’ve made a cake. It’s my Auntie’s birthday soon, so we’re going up to Stevenage tomorrow to see her. Which should be nice.

So that’s my long blog done with.

I’m very happy at the moment.

Happy Easter, get fat.

A woman just walked down my road jumping and going ‘NOOOOO!’ I genuinely thought it was my old Art teacher… that was weird.

This has been a pretty uneventful week really.

Like I can’t even remember Monday it was that uneventful…

I got told I’m doing 1,000,000 x better in Sociology though, which for me was super amazing to hear, cos I always believe I’m bad at everything other than reading, that was pretty much it.

Tuesday I was absolutely bullied by my nieces and nephews, so my niece Shelbie is always fairly mean to me anyway cos she finds it funny… so I do the same to her, muwaha. But she’s told me I must save up for her birthday and buy her a real life dragon, I’m so proud of how much she has in common with me, my aim is to create a mini me, that would so weird, but so amazing all at the same time. My other niece Alicia is usually an angel, but for some reason Tuesday she was in a right weird mood, she just kept telling me I smelt and was just throwing non hurtful abusive words at me. Then my nephew… Tyler, when he wants to be (which is most of the time) can be the most annoying and horrible child ever. This week, I shouldn’t have found it funny, but I did… He threatened to ‘bust me up’ hahaha. I think it was just the fact that my little 5 year old white boy nephew had said it, then after he threatened to steal my purse, so I was really paranoid. Then he also broke my phone for a short while because he got really annoyed that he couldn’t work out how to talk to Josh so we had a full on scrap over my phone - I am now bruised because of this… and that’s that really!

My grandad is also doing a lot better, which is really really good. He’s always doing so much that he wears himself out, but he never stops trying, I have so much respect for him because of that, for both of my grandparents, they always to as much as they can for themselves and for everyone else.

Wednesday was an inset day, I went to see The Woman in Black, and saw Emily and Sophie outside of school for the first time in ages.

And Miguel, ahhh, Miggles. He’s well funny.

But if you plan to see The Woman in black I have 3 tips for you.

1. Do not believe that it’s a 12A, it is so scary, it should be AT LEAST a 15.

2. Do not watch it alone, just don’t, oh my god.

and 3. Don’t even bother taking food, you’ll be too on edge to eat it/it could be a choking hazard/you might drop it and be very sad.

Also for those that are Harry Potter fans, try and put it out of your mind that Daniel Radcliffe was ever Harry Potter, I couldn’t and it kind of ruined it for me. I was really confused, cos it was pretty confusing anyway, and I was just waiting for Ron to pop up.

On Thursday I discovered I’d gained a really bad cough, it’s so painful, and really annoying because I’ve had like 5 colds this year now already, my immune system is so rubbish.

And today, I’ve basically spent the whole day drugged up, because I don’t want to miss much school now, because after Easter it’s exam time, I’m well scared.

This week, out of a possible 16 lessons I’ve only had 9, I’ve been so bored. There are no lessons that I hate and don’t want to do (other than Maths because it feels like I’m never going to pass that) aaaand…. I like learning.

But I’ve just started thinking about all the things I’ve not been doing because I’ve had no one to do them with, and I was talking to my sister B yesterday about it all, and right now I’m just happy with how everything is. I’ve decided I need to start putting myself first. I’ve not cared what other people think for a while now, but there’s still been that small part of me that will keep trying to put things right with anyone and everyone. I just can’t be bothered. I know who my friends are.

I’ve found recently that the ones that might not want to be around me when I’m in a bad mood, but most of the time still are are the people that always will be there. And the people that aren’t there will still text me everyday to see how I am.

And recently - it may sound silly to people that don’t actually know him, but the people over the past couple of weeks have asked…

- How my Grandad is doing

- If I’m okay

- If my Gran is okay

and - If any of us need anything

Are the ones that have made me the happiest by showing me they’ve cared.

Because I stop seeing the point in some things if another person doesn’t even seem to be bothered if you’re there or you’re not, or if you’re okay or you’re not…

It’s annoying that I have to wait over a year to move to Swansea, because that is when everything is going to change and my life is really going to start.

But I feel super old.

Me and my Gran worked out 2013 is a big year.

• I turn 18
• She turns 80
• My mum turns 50
• It’s my Gran and Grandad’s Diamond (60th!) wedding anniversary
• I move away from Bristol (hopefully!)
• My sister Emma is 20
• We go to Jamaica for my 18th
• My niece Shelbie turns 10 (double digits :(!)

And I think that’s it, but it’s still loads!

oooooooh.

Well, I’m off to see 2 of my friend’s bands play tonight, they’re always fun.

I’ve also realised my countdown has been well dodgy, some days its been right, some it’s been wrong… but anyway, it’s 16 days until Game of Thrones.

I can’t remember when it was that I last wrote a blog…

was it Monday?

was it after that?

Maybe I should have checked that… Never mind.

But I’ve got a feeling this one is going to be quite lengthy, this has been a weird week. I’ve learnt quite alot. I’m currently in such a weird mood, so writing it now probably wouldn’t be clever or sensible, but I’m neither, so yeah!

I’m going to get started…

Monday was a pretty normal day actually, I threw up on the way to school however, so went home ill. That wasn’t pleasant, I don’t think that needed to be shared, ah well. Tuesday was a pretty good day, it was horrible because I didn’t see my grandparents, but everything started to look up again and i started to feel like myself again, it was so nice, this continued into Wednesday, I’m usually always happy on Wednesday’s anyway. Me and Wasmina should not be allowed to do experiments in a science lab, we break things, spill chemicals everywhere and everything, we’re just dangerous people in a science lab. In the evening I saw my friends’ band Johari and as usual had a really good night, and Emily stayed after and, yeah we just had a pretty fun night! Thursday was definitely the most productive day this week. We had an ‘ambitions event’ at UWE, which basically was just about university/other higher education. It made me so excited for Uni, I’ve been set on Swansea University for about 4 years now, so yesterday talking to someone from there and hearing that with the grades they are looking for my A Levels are going to be enough for what I want to do. I learnt yesterday that even though I say there are quite a few things I want, the only thing in the world I truly want is just to pass my A Levels. I have so little faith in myself after results day last year. I was so confident I’d done enough, even though I knew I could have done alot more to get the grades I wanted. I now don’t feel the amount of work I do and the knowledge I have is enough, so I just want to make myself proud this time around, if that results in me not having a social life and living at school, then so be it. I also did the after school Humanities club me and a few others in my year are doing too, it was so good, that helped with my motivation for just doing amazing. It was really good. I also learnt alot about what people actually think of me on Thursday too…

I was actually quite shocked at some of these opinions, I never thought people would think so say the things they do - obviously I was wrong about that, I learnt that people see me as ‘fucked up’, ‘bitchy’, ‘a slut’, ‘pathetic’, and as a ‘bullshitter’ I also learnt that people think I could be smart if I tried harder, and also that I’m ‘throwing my life away’… None of that bothered me, which I was happy with. As this title says, to put it bluntly, I just do not care what people think of me anymore! I’m happy right now, and I know where I want to be and what I’m going to do to be there, I don’t care if people don’t want me anymore. This week I’ve learnt who will be there even I’m a horrible person sometimes, or if I completely mess things up the people that are willing to forgive me, and don’t talk about me instead of to me are the ones I want there.

I also had a nice chat with my sister B yesterday too, there was alot of skyping involved with my evening, she made my happiness last some more and become more happy, she’s a funny one. Game of Thrones is now called King of Games… Bless.

I then had my daily lovely conversation with Joshua, he let me explain my confusing family and not tell me to stop talking because it was so confusing, and just our normal dragon involved, easy conversation.

Friday, today… was an alright day again I guess, nothing much happened, I was once again learning. I learnt that people who are willing to change for someone they love can be so amazing, but surely that would that the person that is changing them does love them for them, which is why they are encouraging them to change? When you argue with someone stupidly everyday about pointless things, you think a serious argument could never hurt… It does.

But I’m done, I’m not letting anything silly get me down now, maybe that makes me selfish, but sometimes it’s better to be selfish. But I feel soon it’s time for change.

30 Days until Game of Thrones.